how to survive a horror movie

I love horror movies, the only thing that bugs me about them is how idiotic people can be in them. sometimes I hope they end up dying just because of how stupid they're acting. (is that mean? oh well, they deserve it.)

anyways, here are a few simple ways to survive...

don't go to a cabin in the woods to drink, do drugs, or have sex. you will die, it's inevitable. just don't go.

don't yell 'hello'. you're just giving away your position. you're just helping them find you and kill you. and it's not like they're going to respond "hello, I'm over here". actually, just don't say anything at all. don't make any sort of noise.

if you hear a noise, do not check it out, just get a weapon. what good will it do to check out the noise and there's a killer waiting for you and now you can't defend yourself? no good, better to be safe than sorry. quietly get a weapon and quietly be quiet.

make sure you have your phone. I basically always have my phone with me or at least near me. it does you no good to be without your phone. you can't call for help, can't take a picture of the guy, can't post on social media that you're about to die, etc.

make sure the killer is dead. if you stab the killer or shoot the killer just assume he didn't die. stab/shoot him a few more times for safe measures. then some more. and then after there is no possible way he could still be alive, assume he is and get the hell out of there. but do not leave your weapon. take it with you and run like hell.

never say "I'll be right back". you will not, you will be dead in 10.

don't get trapped. no basements, attics, closets, etc. you can't get out then. stay where you have escape routes, and then escape using that route, with your weapon, quietly.

never split up. you have strength in numbers, don't be outnumbered. stay together.

just keep running. never assume you lost the killer. keep running until you find help.


pretty easy, right?

I love movies

I've watched a few more movies recently, and I always like sharing my opinions of them on my little blog. so, here we go.

White Chicks: I've seen parts of this movie before, but I couldn't remember if I had ever seen it fully. basically, two black FBI agents go undercover as two white chicks. which had me thinking, anyone remember when some white actress got bitched out for being a black character from 'Orange is the New Black' for Halloween? why is that not okay, but two black guys can act like white girls and thats okay? it's the same thing. let people act like whoever the hell they want to. anyways, the movie was alright, I thought it was going to be funnier though.

Hook: Melissa suggested that I watch this. it's a 90s movie, about Peter Pan when he's grown up. I liked the concept of the movie, but thought it was too long. and there's a part where Tinker Bell becomes a full grown lady for like 30sec, I thought that was uncalled for. there was really no point in that happening. and I loved Dustin Hoffman as Hook.

Escape Plan: it's about a guy who spends his life breaking out of prisons. that's his job, they place him in jail with a fake background story and he has to get out. great concept, but the movie was below average. it was predictable, unrealistic, and I think Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger are too old, they just need to stop with the acting.

Insidious 2: I liked Insidious 2, although it was not as scary as the first one. there even was one part where the two ghost hunting guys try to decide on a code word incase this other guy needs help, it was quesadilla, which my mom and I laughed about for that entire scene, we couldn't stop.

Goon: it's a hockey movie and was available for instant watch on Netflix, but it sucked. it was really bad.

this week on Netflix I'll be getting The Conjuring which I've heard good things about, I hope it's good. have you seen it?

my top 10 favorite comedy movies

I'm giving you a list of 10 movies that I think are the funniest, the best comedies. which all comes down to one night at a Cavs game when I admitted to never seeing Dumb & Dumber.
(it's true, I'm 24 years old and had never watched it.)
so at this Cavs game they kept showing Dumb & Dumber clips on the jumbotron. that's when I admitted to never seeing that movie. Randy's buddy, Ryan, freaked out claiming that it was one of the funniest movies he had ever seen. I told him one day I would watch it.

so I finally did. the other day I got it from Netflix and viewed it. it was funny. I don't know about top 5 funny, but funny nonetheless. I told Ryan how I watched it and what I thought of it. we went back and forth finally landing on me giving him my top 10 comedies list.

this is what I came up with::

Happy Gilmore. I just did a whole post dedicated to the wonderfulness of this movie. it's fantastic, hilarious, and quotable. so quotable.

Christmas Vacation. classic, hilarious, amazing, are a few words to describe this movie. I love the Griswold family.

The Burbs. The Burbs is so underrated. if you haven't seen or heard of this movie, watch it. it's so damn funny and very quotable. it's a classic in my family, we all love it. (I'll dedicate a whole post to it one day.)

Anchorman. Will Ferrel is hilarious.

Superbad. rewatchable. quotable. love it, love all of it.

Waterboy. I think basically everything Adam Sandler does is hilarious. but Happy Gilmore and Waterboy are my two favorites.

Hangover. it's funny, yes. but the very first time I saw it in theaters and Ken Jeong jumps out of the trunk naked I could not stop laughing. like, literally, couldn't stop.

Dumb and Dumber. the movie that caused this whole list. it's pretty funny, I'll admit. there's some good quotable moments.

Step Brothers. I'm seeing a trend here, I love funny and quotable movies. "there's so much room for activities"

Bridesmaids or We're the Millers. I couldn't decide between the two. both are great.

what comedies do you love? what do you think about my choices?

Prisoners

I've been on a movie kick lately. well, I always love watching movies. but since it's winter and there's not much to do outside I've been watching movies.

over the weekend mom and I watched Prisoners. I figured it'd be good, but I didn't know it was going to be ridiculously amazing.

here's what IMDb says::
when Keller Dover's daughter and her friend go missing, he takes matters into his own hands as the police pursue multiple leads and the pressure mounts. but just how far will this desperate father go to protect his family?

it was so good. Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal both were amazing. and even though I knew who it was that took his daughter about halfway through or so, my mom had no clue, and I bet most people wouldn't see it coming. you'll find yourself feeling mixed emotions, sad, angry, relief, frustration, confused, etc.

I thought I'd like Prisoners but I didn't know I would love it. I thought the 2.5hr run time would drag on, but it didn't feel like 2.5hrs. I was hooked the entire movie.

I highly recommend Prisoners.

"Grizzly Adams did have a beard"

I love the movie Happy Gilmore. love it.

here's what IMDb says::
a hockey player wannabe finds out that he has the most powerful golf drive in history. he joins the PGA tour to make some money to save his grandmas house. the downside is that his hockey player mentality doesn't really go with the PGA tour rules.

 I think it's hilarious and extremely quotable. which is basically my favorite thing ever. I love being able to quote movies daily. I think Adam Sandler did a fantastic job.


must be Burt Reynolds or something. every time (seriously every single time) I see a limo I say this.

you're gonna die clown.

somebody's closer. gotta say it in the high pitched voice.

tap it in, just tap it in. give it a little tappy, tap tap taparoo.

I hate that Bob Barker.

the price is wrong, bitch.

where were you on that one, dipshit.

he shouldn't have been standing there.

you can trouble me for a warm glass of shut the hell up.

ya jackass!

I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.  you eat pieces of shit for breakfast?


those are just the quotes I say all the time, there's even more great one-liners. I would recommend Happy Gilmore to every person in the world. it's a classic in my family.

weekend update - Lois Lane

this weekend I...

got to watch my dog-niece, Lois. I love watching her, I get a nice quiet night to myself, play some fetch, and just hangout with a pup.

she loves burying herself under the covers/blankets

watched five movies. four in one night and one the next day. I don't know how I did it, but I did. I watched: Planes- it was alright, not as good as Cars though. Drinking Buddies- loved it. way better than I thought it was going to be. but the ending left me wondering, I'm not sure if I loved the ending or hated it. Holiday Engagement- it was alright, I suppose. just your typical romantic comedy, pretty predictable. Expendables 2- good, like the first one. but Stalone is old and weird looking. and it was extremely unrealistic. The Possession- eh. my mom saw it in theaters and said it was scary, so I was hoping it would be, but it wasn't scary at all. like not at all. zero.
 and then I watched half of Robin Hood (2010 version with Russel Crowe) but it wasn't very good and then I looked it up and saw it was over 2hrs long so I stopped it. and I saw the last 15min of Iron Man (it was on tv). and watched two episodes of Psych. good thing Randy/Melissa have a comfy couch.

worked.

watched football. I predicted the Broncos and Seahawks. and my dad asked by how much I thought the teams were going to win by and I said the Broncs were going to win by 10, and then they went and won by 10. holla!



how was your weekend?

2 Guns

I can't even begin to explain how much I liked 2 Guns. definitely one I'll rewatch over and over again.

here's the story, via IMDb,
a DEA agent and a naval intelligence officer find themselves on the run after a botched attempt to infiltrate  drug cartel. while fleeing, they learn the secret of their shaky alliance: neither knew that the other was an undercover agent.

featuring Mark Wahlberg and Denzel Washington, I mean, that alone makes it worthy of a viewing. Wahlberger's character is so damn funny. he has so many one-liners throughout the whole movie. it's an action movie, but I was laughing most the time.

look at that damn carhartt hat

it blew my expectations out of the water. way better than I could have ever anticipated. I can't even pick one scene to deem my favorite. although, when they're wrestling in the desert trying to decide if they trust each other is one of them. or the part about the yogurt, that's pretty funny, too.

the bond Wahlberger and Washington develop is a great addition to an already great movie. and the way they tie it all up at the end, really good.

I highly recommend watching 2 Guns.