how to survive a horror movie

I love horror movies, the only thing that bugs me about them is how idiotic people can be in them. sometimes I hope they end up dying just because of how stupid they're acting. (is that mean? oh well, they deserve it.)

anyways, here are a few simple ways to survive...

don't go to a cabin in the woods to drink, do drugs, or have sex. you will die, it's inevitable. just don't go.

don't yell 'hello'. you're just giving away your position. you're just helping them find you and kill you. and it's not like they're going to respond "hello, I'm over here". actually, just don't say anything at all. don't make any sort of noise.

if you hear a noise, do not check it out, just get a weapon. what good will it do to check out the noise and there's a killer waiting for you and now you can't defend yourself? no good, better to be safe than sorry. quietly get a weapon and quietly be quiet.

make sure you have your phone. I basically always have my phone with me or at least near me. it does you no good to be without your phone. you can't call for help, can't take a picture of the guy, can't post on social media that you're about to die, etc.

make sure the killer is dead. if you stab the killer or shoot the killer just assume he didn't die. stab/shoot him a few more times for safe measures. then some more. and then after there is no possible way he could still be alive, assume he is and get the hell out of there. but do not leave your weapon. take it with you and run like hell.

never say "I'll be right back". you will not, you will be dead in 10.

don't get trapped. no basements, attics, closets, etc. you can't get out then. stay where you have escape routes, and then escape using that route, with your weapon, quietly.

never split up. you have strength in numbers, don't be outnumbered. stay together.

just keep running. never assume you lost the killer. keep running until you find help.


pretty easy, right?